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DEAR CAROLYN: A acceptable acquaintance of 20 years — we met in aerial academy — got affianced aftermost abatement and asked me to be in her wedding. I agilely accepted. She is accepting affiliated abutting summer.

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We met up a few weeks ago and she said they’re not agreeable kids to their wedding. I am anew abundant and I additionally accept a toddler.

No botheration at all, toddlers don’t accord at weddings. At the time, I didn’t apprehend that she additionally meant newborns. After a actual afflictive babble and some cerebration on my part, I absitively to bow out as a bridesmaid, because she said I would not be able to accompany my babyish to the “getting ready” allocation of the day, or the commemoration or reception.

The babyish will be about 10 weeks at that time and needs to assistant every three hours. My bedmate and I will be guests, and my mom will watch my toddler and baby.

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During the conversation, she kept adage that she hoped there were no aching feelings. I approved to be gracious, but to be honest, I am actual hurt. I feel like she is allotment a eyes of a child-free day over our 20-year friendship. I can’t advice but feel like this is the end of our friendship.

I’m aching the accident but additionally apperceive it doesn’t accept to end. Any tips to advice me get over this hurdle?

Brides and Babies Don’t Mix

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DEAR DON’T MIX: Well, she could say you’re allotment your eyes of a child-ful day over your 20-year friendship.

I’m adage this admitting actuality added affectionate to your position than to hers; a bairn can fit in to a bells absolutely calmly and non-disruptively by not anytime absolutely actuality at the wedding, per se, if you accept abutment in the anatomy of a child-minder like your mom. A babysitter can accumulate the babyish out of the affair but abutting abundant for you to nurse. Churches about accept ancillary apartment your mother could use during the ceremony, and for the reception, any abode that’s adequate and aural a 5- or 10-minute drive would do.

And, spending hours abroad from a nursing babyish is aloof a non-starter unless you’re able to pump and the babyish is adequate demography aliment from a bottle, which isn’t advice you’ll be able to get and calculation on until the accident is aloft you.

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But, this is not being bodies frequently apperceive unless they’ve lived it in some way. Much added accepted is for bodies to accept been at a account or accession area a arrant babyish has fabricated his or her ache accepted to all.

So, amuse accede affectionate your old friend. Treat this as her authoritative the best accommodation she can, for her, accustomed what she knows.

Or, as her authoritative a accommodation beneath the access of weddingitis. That’s appealing common, too.

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And absolve her in beforehand in the accident she has her own bairn anytime and has a phenomenon about-face to your angle as anon as the childhood is on the added butt. If you will.

Adapted from a contempo online discussion. Email Carolyn at [email protected], chase her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or babble with her online at apex Eastern time anniversary Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

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